Ronald Rolheiser • June 21, 2018

Why Faith Feels Like Doubt and Darkness

God is ineffable. This is a truth that’s universally accepted as dogma among all Christians and within all the great religions of the world. What does it mean?

In essence, it means that God is beyond us, not like us, but in an utterly different sphere. More especially, it means that God cannot ever be captured in thought, imagination, or word. Any concepts, images, or words we have about God are inadequate at best and idolatrous at worst. God is always beyond what we can think, speak about, or imagine.

But we do have thoughts, images, and words about God and many of these are given to us in scripture. What’s to be made of our traditional biblical and theological images of God? Aren’t they accurate and adequate? In a word, no, they aren’t. To paraphrase Annie Dillard, the concepts and language about God that are given us in scripture and church tradition are simply words that we have permission to use without being struck dead for idolatry. We should never pretend they are accurate and adequate; scripture itself makes that clear. Not understanding this confuses our notion of faith and doubt.

Because we do not existentially grasp and accept that God is ineffable, we generally confuse faith with imagination. Simply put, because we think God can be imagined and conceptualized, we feel that we have faith precisely to the extent that we can imagine God’s existence and God’s person. Conversely, we feel we are in doubt and agnostic when we cannot imagine these. And so we naively identify faith with the capacity to create the right imaginative fantasies and feelings about God, and vice versa.

But, since God is ineffable, we can never imagine either God existence or God’s person. This is an impossible task, by definition. We have only finite concepts within which to try to capture infinity and thus all our human faculties are incapable of conceptualizing God, tantamount to trying to think of the highest number to which it is possible to count.

Does this mean then that faith opposes human reason? No. Faith doesn’t negate human reason, it simply dwarfs it, akin to the way the most sophisticated formulae within contemporary astrophysics dwarf elementary arithmetic and the way the blinding light of a noonday sun dwarfs the paltry light of a candle. Moreover, though helpful, even these analogies limp and are inaccurate. God’s existence and person may not be imagined as that of some supreme Super-person, someone like us, except supremely greater. To imagine God in this way still puts God into the realm of the finite, a creature still, even if Super-supreme, imaginable, able to be conceptualized, not ineffable, a number we can still count to. God, though, is not a reality that can be counted. God’s existence and person can never be conceptualized.

Moreover, this is true as well for our understanding of God’s love. It too is beyond our imagination and capacity to conceptualize. Our universe, though finite, is so vast and prodigious that our imaginations already run out of room in their efforts simply to picture the finite world. Beyond this, just on this one planet, earth, we have billions upon billions of persons, each of which has a heart and meaning that is individually precious. How can we imagine a God who somehow knows and loves this all intimately? We can’t! Our minds and our hearts simply don’t stretch that far; though they do stretch far enough to ask: Why wouldn’t an infinite God create so an unimaginatively huge a universe and so many billions and billions of people to love and share in this creation? And why would an infinite God suddenly say (after we have been born): “That’s enough! I now have as many people as I want!”

God befuddles the mind, the heart, and the imagination. It cannot be otherwise. Any God who could be understood would not be God. God is not a supreme Superman, like us, only bigger, stronger, and more powerful. The infinite, precisely because it is infinite, cannot be circumscribed and grasped, either in its existence, its person, or its capacity to love. We can know the infinite, but we cannot think the infinite.

Because of this, at some point in our lives, faith will feel like darkness, belief like unbelief, and God’s person and existence will feel like nothing, emptiness, non-existence, nada. Our minds and hearts will, at that point, come up dry and empty when they try to imagine or feel God, not because God doesn’t exist or is less present than the physical world, but because God is so massively present, so real, so above all other lights, that God’s reality will dwarf everything to the point to where it gives the impression that it itself doesn’t exist

In faith, God is known this way: As a light so bright that it’s perceived as darkness, as a love so universal that it’s perceived as indifference, and as a reality so real that it’s perceived as nothing.


By Webmaster August 31, 2025
Pathways Bereavement Café: Due to low numbers the Bereavement Cafe will no longer meet on the first Sunday of the month. Please be assured that Bereavement support is still available from the Bereavement Team on an appointment only basis via the Parish Office. If you need any support surrounding grief of any kind please do not hesitate to get in touch.
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
Join March for Life UK, Saturday 6th September , London. The right to life underpins every other right and without it every other right is rendered meaningless. Abortion denies the most vulnerable in our society of their most basic right which is why this year's theme is “Human Rights For All Humans.” Join thousands at this family-friendly event to recognise the value of life from conception and stand up for all those who have been impacted by abortion. https://www.marchforlife.co.uk/ or email: info@marchforlife.co.uk.
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
The Leadbeater assisted suicide Bill is expected to have its Second Reading in the House of Lords on Friday 12 September . Right To Life UK has launched an Easy action tool to help you write to a few Peers with a tailored message to highlight key concerns with the Bill. Please take action now and visit www.righttolife.org.uk/aspeers to ask Peers to oppose assisted suicide - it takes just 30 seconds!
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
: Time for prayers, questions, input from a priest and social time. There are two groups meeting simultaneously; under 18s and over 18s. Fridays 6.30pm-8.15pm: 19th September (Hinsley Hall), 17th October (Hinsley Hall), 14th November (Cathedral Hall), 19th December (Hinsley Hall). Under 18 participants must complete and return a permission form prior to attending. For permission forms and to notify of attendance (all participants) please contact Vocations Promoter, Fr Simon Lodge simon.lodge@dioceseofleeds.org.uk .
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
ST MARK’S WAY ON THE NATIONAL JUBILEE PILGRIMAGE OF HOPE: Begins on Saturday 6 September with 8am Mass at Leeds Cathedral. Walk all or part of the way between the Cathedral and the Jubilee Pilgrimage Church of St Austin in Wakefield. See Diocesan website for details of how to sign up.
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
40 Days for Life is a Prayer, fasting and peaceful vigil in support of the unborn, their mothers, fathers and families. There will be an information evening on Friday 5th September , 7-8pm at the Polish Catholic Centre, LS7 4JE.
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
We recently donated non GBP/and old currency that we have received over many months as part of our weekly collections to Mary’s Meals. The following is a thank you from their team:  ‘The coins ¬tes came from more than about 40 different countries! Your donation is enough to provide at least 10 children with a daily meal in school for a whole year or at 10p per serving, that’s enough to provide 2073 nutritious portions of Mary’s Meals. We are so very grateful for this wonderful support of our mission. Many thanks from Mary’s Meals.’ www.marysmeals.org
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
Meals played an important role in the society in which Jesus lived. More than a time for sharing nourishment, they were a time to share ideas and to model different aspects of social relationships. In Luke's Gospel, the places that a person ate (at the home of a tax collector, 5:29), the people with whom a person ate (sinners, 5:30), whether a person washed before eating (11:38), and as is the case here, the place that a person sits while eating are all important. The narrator says Jesus tells a parable, but it is wise advice to both guests and hosts about finding true happiness at the heavenly banquet. Jesus warns guests to wait before taking their places at the table lest they be asked to move if someone more important arrives. This is more than just a lesson about dinner etiquette. It is advice on how to find your true place in the Kingdom of God. Jesus advises hosts not to invite people who would be expected to repay them to dinner but to invite those who could not repay: the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. This is where real blessings can be found. In these sayings, Luke gives us not only advice on how to approach the end times but also on how to live according to Jesus' vision of a good society. Luke's Gospel also advises us how the Church must be part of bringing about this society. It is yet another example in Luke's Gospel of the reversal the kingdom brings about.
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
PARISH HEALING AND PRAYER MINISTRY In our Church we have witnessed healing, both physical and emotional through prayer ministry, and miraculous healing through prayer requests. When we think of miracles, we often imagine stories from Biblical times or the lives of the Saints long ago. However, miracles still happen in the modern world, touching the lives of ordinary people every day. These are a few testimonies of prayers said from our Church over the past year:
By Webmaster August 31, 2025
There will be a series of special Jubilee Masses in some of the churches in the Deanery. Parishioners are encouraged to go to some or all of these Masses and so become ‘pilgrims’ in this Holy Year whose theme is Pilgrims of Hope. Jubilee Masses are: Tuesday 9 September - St Michael’s Knottingley. All Jubilee Masses start at 7.00pm.
More Posts